This a test. This is only a test.

This has been a challenging week.  My attempt at a regular schedule with my menu planning was thwarted by a last minute work trip for FG.  DS ended up staying home from school after getting his Herbst Appliance installed.  He probably didn't need to. He was ok and could have gone to school but I it was nice to have him hang out with me.  I took him to In & Out Burger for lunch - his first meal with the metal in his mouth..  He did surprisingly well! He's talking well now too. 

That was challenging because he is my baby and it was tough to watch him get the stuff installed in his mouth.  The girl installing it wasn't very warm & fuzzy either.  She was a bit harsh with him and I really wanted to tell her off.  But she had sharp instruments in his mouth.  I figured it was better to not say anything at all.

While he & I were driving to lunch it was complete chaos.  The wind was blowing sand & dust everywhere.  Vice President Biden was here giving a speech at the High School by my house.  There was a big rig turned over on one direction of the freeway.  The other direction was closed because of the VP.  We had to go a crazy back route.  We finally got on the right path and we see crazy clouds.  As we keep heading in the direction, we smell smoke.  Living here, we know what a wildfire smells like.  I looked it up while eating lunch. Sure enough, there was a wildfire.  And the wind was blowing like crazy toward our house.  The fire was heading toward out house.

I didn't worry too much - it was a ways away.  Then we get home and I sense something is missing.  Yep. The metal structure with the vinyl cover that goes over our boat was GONE.  I go around the house to the backyard and it is a destruction zone.  The metal is mangled and leaning in a tree.  The tarp is still partially tied to it and the straps are scattered around the yard.  My two 4x4 post clothesline poles snapped and are laying like dead soldiers on my lawn.  I snap a pic with my phone and send it to FG.  Just so he knows what I'm dealing with.  I call a bunch of neighbors and the ones I'm able to get a hold of come rescue me.

Meanwhile, the smoke is getting thicker and thicker.  We are coughing and the wind is blowing dirt into our eyes. 

After we got that all settled, we were glued to the TV.  The fire was moving closer.  I started to wonder if I should pack anything up.  I grabbed some bags and grabbed the photo albums and the cases with all the discs in them - all of our pictures on disc.  I grabbed the computer hard drive.  I sent FG a text and asked him what he wanted me to pack of his. I didn't really worry too much.   THEN I saw flames on a nearby ridge.  THEN I went into protective mom mode.  I stayed calm.  Amazingly calm really.  I packed clothes.  I packed important papers.  I took pictures of every room in the house.  I gave the kids bags and told them to pack up a few things they wanted in case we had to leave.  We got the Reverse-911 call telling us we were under a Voluntary Evacuation Order.  I loaded the car.  The kids kept trying to take their shoes off and I kept making them put them back on.  I watched the ridge with an obsession.  But outwardly, I remained calm.  I reassured the kids things were most likely fine but I'd rather be loaded and ready to go if they told us to leave. 

Finally the flamed died down.  The wind started to subside.  I fed the kids dinner and showered them and read DD a bedtime story.  I tucked them in and kissed them goodnight and told them all would be ok.  I was 90% sure of it.  They snuggled in and went to sleep.  I dozed sporadically.  Even with the fire subsiding and the news reporting that it was no longer growing I was still uneasy.  I got up several times.  I felt exhausted.

I just kept thinking that I feel like I'm always being tested on how strong of a woman I am.  The chaos in my life.  The constant changes.  The crazy things that happen when FG is out of town and I get to take care of.  I went into labor in the middle of the night with my daughter.  FG was 2 hours away and I had a 3 year old sleeping soundly in his own big boy bed.   I couldn't wait 2 hours for him to get home - she was coming. I could go on & on. Things always seem to happen when FG is out of town and I have to stay strong because, really?  What other choice do I have?  I don't know if it's a reminder, a confidence builder or a test.    Just one small request though.... can it please stop?  I'm strong. I get it.  I can handle issues and scary situations alone.  I am a strong mama for my children and remain calm in intense situations.  I GET IT.  I can live without a reminder for awhile, ok universe?