I had to apologize to FG on Saturday night that he has to be privvy to a woman's secrets. We had a nice evening out at a dinner at the country club. It was the final event of the golf tournament he and his friend had played in. Since he is about 20-30 years younger than most of the members, I am also 20-30 years younger than many of their wives. Thus, I try to look as good as I can when I'm on his arm at an event like this.
My apology came as I stripped off my clingy dress, my Spanx (actually a generic version of them but hey, that works and I refuse to call it a "girdle"), my fake boobs (silcone sticky boob things that add almost 2 cup sizes to my mosquito bites and simply make my dresses look better) and my false eyelashes.
Yep, now he knows our secrets.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I still do not <3 exercise
I have never liked it. I was akward as a kid, uncoordinated and fumbling. I hated PE and besides skiing, never really liked anything athletic. I'm an excellent sports fan though. Loyal through thick & thin.
I've also been blessed with a good metabolism. Though as a little kid I hated it. I was all long limbs and knees and elbows. Skinny didn't even describe it. I was just so dang skinny.
Now that I'm in my (gulp) late 30's that metabolism is slowing down a bit and I know I'm pretty out of shape. I'm still thin but I'm not happy with how this thin looks. So I've been doing a good job the past few years of not eating like a pig and being more concious of what and how much goes in my mouth. Yet, I still did not find or like an exercise. This summer I've told myself to just suck it up and do it and I'm glad that I have. I've been walking about 5-6 days per week in the morning. I had a little heart to heart with FG about how I need him to be home (aka, not golfing early in the morning EVERY day before he goes to the office) so I can keep this up. He's been very good about it. It doesn't hurt that the dog is now used to it and excited every morning when we get up. She "sings" and "talks" to me until I get her leash and she's a maniac around the house. She's a good motivator because she would just bug me until we walked if I decided to skip it.
So I've been walking, making myself eat breakfast, more fruit & veggies, using our whatevertheheckitscalled workout equipment to keep my arms & abs toned. I feel better about it. I still don't enjoy it and yes, I would rather just stay in bed and sleep late on these wonderful summer mornings but I'm hauling my butt out of bed so it doesn't get fat.
I've also been blessed with a good metabolism. Though as a little kid I hated it. I was all long limbs and knees and elbows. Skinny didn't even describe it. I was just so dang skinny.
Now that I'm in my (gulp) late 30's that metabolism is slowing down a bit and I know I'm pretty out of shape. I'm still thin but I'm not happy with how this thin looks. So I've been doing a good job the past few years of not eating like a pig and being more concious of what and how much goes in my mouth. Yet, I still did not find or like an exercise. This summer I've told myself to just suck it up and do it and I'm glad that I have. I've been walking about 5-6 days per week in the morning. I had a little heart to heart with FG about how I need him to be home (aka, not golfing early in the morning EVERY day before he goes to the office) so I can keep this up. He's been very good about it. It doesn't hurt that the dog is now used to it and excited every morning when we get up. She "sings" and "talks" to me until I get her leash and she's a maniac around the house. She's a good motivator because she would just bug me until we walked if I decided to skip it.
So I've been walking, making myself eat breakfast, more fruit & veggies, using our whatevertheheckitscalled workout equipment to keep my arms & abs toned. I feel better about it. I still don't enjoy it and yes, I would rather just stay in bed and sleep late on these wonderful summer mornings but I'm hauling my butt out of bed so it doesn't get fat.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Mommy Brain
I completely forgot that I wanted to share some funny little things about DD. Now the Parenting Karma may strike me down for daring to write about it but DD has been gooood lately. She's been funny and happy and she's totally into Daddy!
When she was about 5-18 months old, it was all about Daddy. I would say, "DD say 'Mama"." and she would look at me, look at FG, give me a big grin and say "Dada!" stinker. Then something happened and it was all about Mom. I was the only one who could do anything right for her. I was the only one who could properly read a story, tuck her into bed, pour her cereal/milk/goldfish, I was the only one who could comfort an owie, the only one who could get up at night to fix whateverthefuckwaswrongat3am.
But lately she's been funny as heck. She has us rolling with her comments. DS has always been that way (I've got a doozy for ya from him I'll share in a minute). Last night at dinner, FG was messing with her. She said she wanted an Ice Age Pop for dessert and FG kept messing with the words. "You want a Sage Pop?" "Well that's not very proper grammar, I sage pop?" of course, he knew what she meant but was teasing in that Daddy way. She claps her hand on her forehead and says,"HOW many times do we have to go over this?" like a 60 year old woman. Killed me right there. At some point during dinner she told FG he was "the coolest". Then she got all excited when I proclaimed that I would help her bathe but Daddy was reading stories. "Yay! Dad! YOU GET TO READ TONIGHT!!" um, who are you because a few short months ago it was "I'll go to bed with no stories if Dad is the one who's reading, thanks." She asks about him all day now, talks about stuff with him, says she wants to do things with him. I just say Hallelujah!
Now DS's totally hilarious statement. Oh I still laugh my ass of when I think of him saying it. Last weekend at DD's birthday party I mentioned that SMA was coming to the party. DS heard me say it and said "He's coming? Are you sure that's a good idea? He can scare small children and the elderly." Ohmyheck. The way he said it was so serious. So of course SMA walks in wearing a basketball jersey and shorts with his ridiculous long hair flowing and his girly big sunglasses and tattoos in full view. I just start busting up. My MIL and Mom both tell him that he had better be nice because they are "the elderly". He was totally confused. He, of course, is a big softy and would never intentionally scare a child (or the elderly) and he loves my kids dearly. I guess DS understands the whole book & cover thing.
When she was about 5-18 months old, it was all about Daddy. I would say, "DD say 'Mama"." and she would look at me, look at FG, give me a big grin and say "Dada!" stinker. Then something happened and it was all about Mom. I was the only one who could do anything right for her. I was the only one who could properly read a story, tuck her into bed, pour her cereal/milk/goldfish, I was the only one who could comfort an owie, the only one who could get up at night to fix whateverthefuckwaswrongat3am.
But lately she's been funny as heck. She has us rolling with her comments. DS has always been that way (I've got a doozy for ya from him I'll share in a minute). Last night at dinner, FG was messing with her. She said she wanted an Ice Age Pop for dessert and FG kept messing with the words. "You want a Sage Pop?" "Well that's not very proper grammar, I sage pop?" of course, he knew what she meant but was teasing in that Daddy way. She claps her hand on her forehead and says,"HOW many times do we have to go over this?" like a 60 year old woman. Killed me right there. At some point during dinner she told FG he was "the coolest". Then she got all excited when I proclaimed that I would help her bathe but Daddy was reading stories. "Yay! Dad! YOU GET TO READ TONIGHT!!" um, who are you because a few short months ago it was "I'll go to bed with no stories if Dad is the one who's reading, thanks." She asks about him all day now, talks about stuff with him, says she wants to do things with him. I just say Hallelujah!
Now DS's totally hilarious statement. Oh I still laugh my ass of when I think of him saying it. Last weekend at DD's birthday party I mentioned that SMA was coming to the party. DS heard me say it and said "He's coming? Are you sure that's a good idea? He can scare small children and the elderly." Ohmyheck. The way he said it was so serious. So of course SMA walks in wearing a basketball jersey and shorts with his ridiculous long hair flowing and his girly big sunglasses and tattoos in full view. I just start busting up. My MIL and Mom both tell him that he had better be nice because they are "the elderly". He was totally confused. He, of course, is a big softy and would never intentionally scare a child (or the elderly) and he loves my kids dearly. I guess DS understands the whole book & cover thing.
Weekend Update
I'm still making progress! Yay me!
This week I called the mom of a friend of DD's. She has 4 daughters ranging from 8 to newborn. I took the 5 year old with us swimming for the afternoon. I think she was grateful.
Yesterday I was going to take the kids swimming again and called another friend to invite her family to join us. They were unable but at least I made the effort and the phone call. I'm doing better in the friend department and treating my friends to actually being a friend instead of just being the recipient of the friendship card.
I had to work on Saturday. My FIL and his wife took the kids. After the Mother's Day incident FG had a major talk with his dad about the kids. Now I've been told that I should just be happy that I have people willing to take my kids for me. But you know what, I am happy and I know I am lucky that we have 3 sets of grandparents around here that will watch our kids for us and are willing to take them overnight. But you know what else? So that's our lot, we won the lottery with that but that doesn't mean it's fun to un-do all the damage that they can do in one day. That doesn't mean it's fun to re-correct behavior. The IL's don't seem to get that they are sending a message to the kids that it's ok to ignore the rules when Mom & Dad aren't around. I'm thinking that if they learn that NOW, that will be 10x worse when they are teens. Again, part of me not wanting to confuse my kids. So an extra ice cream or a later bed time (though NOT 11:30 for a 5 year old!) is an ok way to bend the rules but to let them think that it's ok to completely ignore them when we don't know about it is not good in my book. So all of you that say "be happy someone will take your kids for you", PHHHHHHTTTTT! Because my kids come first; before my intense need to get the hell away from them for a short time. If it means I have to jeopordize all the work FG and I do with parenting and raising them to be good people, then I'll pass.
So they took the kids with instructions to take DD to a birthday party (drop off), use sunscreen if they go to the beach and to bed at a reasonable time like 9:30. I didn't feel that was too much to ask and apparently, neither did they because they wanted the kids. DS came home with a new toy (always with them) but besides that, there were no huge rules that were to be followed or broken. I do hate that they "buy" the kids with stuff everytime they spend time with them. But at least time I didn't have to have any rules like "No extra treats because of bad behavior" like I have in the past only to have them blatently break the rule. I guess if there is no major rule like that, it can't be broken. (Yes, we have had that happen. I remember distinctly one time that DS was being just awful with back talk and behavior and I said "NO buying him toys or treats because I will not reward bad behavior." and they did anyway. Other times too.)
Annnyyyyywaaaayyy, back to this weekend.... When I worked FG was volunteering at the Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe. (I always want to say "in Tahoe" but that would technically mean in the lake and that seems hard to play golf in a lake full of melted snow). He knows golf, he knows TV, he knows sports. Good weekend for him. After taking one of the producers out on our friend's boat on Tahoe, the producer asked him who he wanted on Sunday. He gave him Michael Jordan, Jerry Rice and Ray Allen. FG doesn't get too star-struck but he was pretty excited. We watched on TV and saw him several times. He told me all about chatting with Jordan and how he asked FG if he went out last night. FG explained that he's local (as in, we don't generally hit the casinos because duh, there's slot machines in our grocery stores, it just isn't a big deal) but that he was lucky enough to have the kids gone for the evening and go out to dinner & to the Chocolate Bar for chocolate martinis with his wife. Jordan commented that that sounded really nice. I sent FG an text telling him that if they wanted to stop by, I would share the fresh peach pie I had just baked. Hee hee. Wouldn't that be a kick? Jordan and Rice just stop over for pie.
This week I called the mom of a friend of DD's. She has 4 daughters ranging from 8 to newborn. I took the 5 year old with us swimming for the afternoon. I think she was grateful.
Yesterday I was going to take the kids swimming again and called another friend to invite her family to join us. They were unable but at least I made the effort and the phone call. I'm doing better in the friend department and treating my friends to actually being a friend instead of just being the recipient of the friendship card.
I had to work on Saturday. My FIL and his wife took the kids. After the Mother's Day incident FG had a major talk with his dad about the kids. Now I've been told that I should just be happy that I have people willing to take my kids for me. But you know what, I am happy and I know I am lucky that we have 3 sets of grandparents around here that will watch our kids for us and are willing to take them overnight. But you know what else? So that's our lot, we won the lottery with that but that doesn't mean it's fun to un-do all the damage that they can do in one day. That doesn't mean it's fun to re-correct behavior. The IL's don't seem to get that they are sending a message to the kids that it's ok to ignore the rules when Mom & Dad aren't around. I'm thinking that if they learn that NOW, that will be 10x worse when they are teens. Again, part of me not wanting to confuse my kids. So an extra ice cream or a later bed time (though NOT 11:30 for a 5 year old!) is an ok way to bend the rules but to let them think that it's ok to completely ignore them when we don't know about it is not good in my book. So all of you that say "be happy someone will take your kids for you", PHHHHHHTTTTT! Because my kids come first; before my intense need to get the hell away from them for a short time. If it means I have to jeopordize all the work FG and I do with parenting and raising them to be good people, then I'll pass.
So they took the kids with instructions to take DD to a birthday party (drop off), use sunscreen if they go to the beach and to bed at a reasonable time like 9:30. I didn't feel that was too much to ask and apparently, neither did they because they wanted the kids. DS came home with a new toy (always with them) but besides that, there were no huge rules that were to be followed or broken. I do hate that they "buy" the kids with stuff everytime they spend time with them. But at least time I didn't have to have any rules like "No extra treats because of bad behavior" like I have in the past only to have them blatently break the rule. I guess if there is no major rule like that, it can't be broken. (Yes, we have had that happen. I remember distinctly one time that DS was being just awful with back talk and behavior and I said "NO buying him toys or treats because I will not reward bad behavior." and they did anyway. Other times too.)
Annnyyyyywaaaayyy, back to this weekend.... When I worked FG was volunteering at the Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe. (I always want to say "in Tahoe" but that would technically mean in the lake and that seems hard to play golf in a lake full of melted snow). He knows golf, he knows TV, he knows sports. Good weekend for him. After taking one of the producers out on our friend's boat on Tahoe, the producer asked him who he wanted on Sunday. He gave him Michael Jordan, Jerry Rice and Ray Allen. FG doesn't get too star-struck but he was pretty excited. We watched on TV and saw him several times. He told me all about chatting with Jordan and how he asked FG if he went out last night. FG explained that he's local (as in, we don't generally hit the casinos because duh, there's slot machines in our grocery stores, it just isn't a big deal) but that he was lucky enough to have the kids gone for the evening and go out to dinner & to the Chocolate Bar for chocolate martinis with his wife. Jordan commented that that sounded really nice. I sent FG an text telling him that if they wanted to stop by, I would share the fresh peach pie I had just baked. Hee hee. Wouldn't that be a kick? Jordan and Rice just stop over for pie.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Progress
I'm starting to feel a bit better. I'm working hard at the things that have been getting me down.
I've apologized to my friends and told them that I recognize I haven't been a great friend lately. I poured my heart out as to my feelings lately in hopes that they would understand. Not as an excuse, but as a reason. They were supportive and it felt good. They do understand.
So I cried to FG last week that I just can't take this chaos anymore and no I did NOT want to leave on Sunday to take the boat out. I did not want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't remember the last time I cooked a meal and we all sat down together to eat. I want to stay home and have him clean up the overgrown yard and I need to clean the house. So Sunday, that's exactly what we did. After my walk, I started cleaning. I took a break to make a big breakfast for the whole family. Then I cleaned and cleaned some more. FG worked outside because um, I don't do yardwork. The kids happily played with DD's new toys and only asked for a cartoon in the late afternoon. I took the car to the car wash that has the free vacuums that will literally suck the stripes of a tiger. My car is now clean too. (Just like a house, I don't do messy cars very well. I don't like a lot of stuff in them and I don't like dirt on the outside or inside. That would just depress me every time I got in it and saw the sand, dog hair, toys etc on the inside and the dirt on the outside).
I made dinner and we all ate together. At the same table. The kids played outside. The kids went to bed at a fairly decent time (for summer). FG and I went to bed at a fairly decent time. Today, we get to go play at the waterpark. I don't have to worry about a gross house that I will immediately get depressed walking into. I already have dinner planned and shrimp & steak thawing. I've talked to a couple of friends. We're doing good. I just need to keep it up!
I've apologized to my friends and told them that I recognize I haven't been a great friend lately. I poured my heart out as to my feelings lately in hopes that they would understand. Not as an excuse, but as a reason. They were supportive and it felt good. They do understand.
I've started getting up earlier and walking the dog a few miles. She can't take much more and I don't want to push her or me. We'll just work up to longer stretches. We walk quickly and it feels good. I can feel it in my thighs - yay! I'm trying to eat better too.
This weekend was a busy one but we managed to put some mundane and relaxation into it as well. DD turned 5 last week. (No fucking way!!!!) and she has been very happy. She loves it when it's all about her! DS is still over the top with his sensory issues coming out but we're trying. His literal constant talking is pushing the limits with both FG and I and then he will start whining like a freaking 2 year old. He's been doing this throw himself on the floor and pout routine a bit much lately which is absolutely unacceptable for an 8 year old in my house.
So I cried to FG last week that I just can't take this chaos anymore and no I did NOT want to leave on Sunday to take the boat out. I did not want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't remember the last time I cooked a meal and we all sat down together to eat. I want to stay home and have him clean up the overgrown yard and I need to clean the house. So Sunday, that's exactly what we did. After my walk, I started cleaning. I took a break to make a big breakfast for the whole family. Then I cleaned and cleaned some more. FG worked outside because um, I don't do yardwork. The kids happily played with DD's new toys and only asked for a cartoon in the late afternoon. I took the car to the car wash that has the free vacuums that will literally suck the stripes of a tiger. My car is now clean too. (Just like a house, I don't do messy cars very well. I don't like a lot of stuff in them and I don't like dirt on the outside or inside. That would just depress me every time I got in it and saw the sand, dog hair, toys etc on the inside and the dirt on the outside).
I made dinner and we all ate together. At the same table. The kids played outside. The kids went to bed at a fairly decent time (for summer). FG and I went to bed at a fairly decent time. Today, we get to go play at the waterpark. I don't have to worry about a gross house that I will immediately get depressed walking into. I already have dinner planned and shrimp & steak thawing. I've talked to a couple of friends. We're doing good. I just need to keep it up!
Now how about a couple of birthday girl pictures? She had a fabulously PINK party and oh my, we are overrun with Polly Pockets, princesses and fairies. The joy of FIVE!
I made her cake, like I do all of their cakes!
DS ready to help her blow out her "5" candle.
Have a few pink presents!
Partied out.
DS ready to help her blow out her "5" candle.Have a few pink presents!Partied out.Thursday, July 02, 2009
Change
I'm still feeling very unsettled. I'm trying very hard to accept that this is just the way life is now since it has been this way for several months. I'm used to being home, having us all home for dinners nearly every night, having a routine. But that hasn't been the case. This has really fucked with my psyche. I just can't wrap my arms around this new "normal".
So I haven't posted any recipes or shared anything to do with cooking, baking, housekeeping etc. because right now I'm simply staying afloat.
It hit me this morning that my unusually high sex drive has even downshifted. That is bothering me as I do not want any issues to arise in my marriage.
I'm also having some unsettling feelings about friendship. As if I wasn't bagging on myself already about parenting, now I'm down on myself about friendships. So I'm working very hard personally. I'm out of shape, not pleased with many things and trying hard to balance my world.
So for awhile, I will continue to look inward and outward and work on improving the areas I want to change. Seeing as one of my biggest pet peeves is people who complain about things in their life and do nothing to change them, I will not follow suit. I will work toward the changes I want and the life I want and the body I want (probably the hardest for me since I loathe exercise). I see the end result of it all but the process is tough.
So I haven't posted any recipes or shared anything to do with cooking, baking, housekeeping etc. because right now I'm simply staying afloat.
It hit me this morning that my unusually high sex drive has even downshifted. That is bothering me as I do not want any issues to arise in my marriage.
I'm also having some unsettling feelings about friendship. As if I wasn't bagging on myself already about parenting, now I'm down on myself about friendships. So I'm working very hard personally. I'm out of shape, not pleased with many things and trying hard to balance my world.
So for awhile, I will continue to look inward and outward and work on improving the areas I want to change. Seeing as one of my biggest pet peeves is people who complain about things in their life and do nothing to change them, I will not follow suit. I will work toward the changes I want and the life I want and the body I want (probably the hardest for me since I loathe exercise). I see the end result of it all but the process is tough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
