What does life have in store for me?

I'm itchy and anxious.  I have that "I want to do SOMETHING" feeling.  Maybe it's Party-Let-Down?  I have all these grand ideas swirling in my head and can't seem to pull one coherent thing toghether.  I feel like I'm waiting on something.  Part of it is the season.  Give a girl a dose of nice weather after some very long dreary days and it will mess with her head.  We've had such nice weather it gives me spring fever. It's not the spring fever that makes me want to throw open the windows and deep clean though.  I think I got enough of that lately.  I am not a gardener at all. I like to look at things but I literally suck at growing things.  I have several houseplants that I've had since we got married over 15 years ago but they are the hearty variety that are damn near impossible to kill as long as you water them. 

No, I am all jazzed up about helping us build our business.  I want to figure something out. FG isn't on the same page.  Sure he wants to build up the business but yeah, he's had a really rough week on top of not feeling well (the man does not do sick at all).  Having me harp on him about doing more is probably the last thing on earth he's enjoying this week.  Since the ideas are just swirling and I don't even have any true idea what I want to do or how I want to do it I think I'll just have to let them stew for awhile.

I'm also high on the social aspect of life yet down on the fact that we have so many aquaintences.  I miss the high school days of BFF's.  We have lots of friends but we don't have those super-duper close friends that call us and we call them automatically.  Does anyone else feel this way or am I being adolescent?  Do I need to grow up and figure out that my family is what I've got and that's where it ends?  Or do you have those super-duper close friends and I'm the envious outcast in this picture?

While I read blogs in between researching what I can do to get to a better place with both of these issues, I'll continue to plod along with working at the toystore and feeling like my brain is shrinking daily.  What happened to me?  Was I fooling myself thinking I was intelligent when all along I was just mediocre?    I feel like maybe if I took a class of some sort, got more education I would feel like I am doing something.  Actually, I think I just need to do something.

"One step must start each journey."

Party recap & bullet-y life

• The party was a success!  You can see me with all my hard work displayed.  The only thing I noticed is we got all of our friends together and they all stayed in their own comfort groups.  That was kind of a bummer.
• FG decided to be a bartender.  It started out with wanting to make chocolate martinis and progressed to having a full on bar w/ a menu.  We had a bunch of open bottles of odd stuff already.  It turned out great and the drinks were yuummmmmmy!
• I sort of felt snubbed by the wives of the guys in FG's office.  I had never met them. They both work full time jobs and they are both very into fitness.  I guess we just don't have a lot in common. But they barely talked to me to even find out if there was anything else we could have in common.  FG told me not to worry about it but I can't shake the feeling.  Maybe we'll try again on a smaller scale.  Maybe not.
• We are finally having beautiful weather.  It happens here every February.  I love it!
• I hung clothes on the clothesline yesterday.  I love how fast laundry gets done when I am able to do that. I got all of the week's laundry finished (that includes folding and putting away when I say finished).
• My kids played outside most of the day - without coats, hats, mittens, snow boots etc.
• We made bubble gum yesterday too.  DS got a kit last year for his b-day. We made it once before and I decided that I haven't done much fun stuff with them because of prepping for the party.  So we made two kinds - blueberry and watermelon.  It's fun & yummy tasting!
• I'm headed to work today and my MIL should be here any minute to hang out with DD until she goes to school. 
• I had better get off this computer and get my lunch and DD's lunch ready.  MIL has kitchen issues.
• She watched the kids for 2 hours last week when FG and I had an overlap of not being home.  Ugh.  That can be a separate "bitch session" post!

Busy busy busy

• I moved my Sweet's Party to the 13th of February.
• It made the Christmas season a bit less stressful, it's made January and February insane.
• I'm sick sick sick of being broke. I'm sick of not being able to go to Target and just "pick up a few things".  I'm sick of so much of it.  This getting out of debt thing is awful!  What completely kills me is that it isn't 100% our fault.  Yes, we should have cancelled a few things (like the CC membership) awhile before we did but to have lost tens of thousands of dollars in revenue and have judgements against former clients for that money but not being able to collect is how this all happened.  When our client owes us $$ and declares bankruptcy we just don't get our $$.  FG is working so hard at getting things "right" again without the money we are owed but it's a daily sacrifice for all of us getting there.
• Our house payment is paid, our bills are mostly paid, we have (some) food and we are clothed and clean. Blessings!
• I hate the Science Fair.
• I still want to go to Disney in the Fall and while I'm slightly less obsessed, I still think about it daily.  Thankfully, FG wants to go too so he's got that as a goal.
• Hormone shifts as I get older suck more & more.  My cycle is as regular as can be with a few days of wiggle room here & there, which means I can practically pinpoint the day I will lose my shit and realize I need to start my 10 days of Serafem (prozac).  I can also pinpoint the day my headaches will start (end of my cycle) and I will be grouchy and in pain for 4 days.  Then I can pinpoint the day I will feel like a 16 year old boy and think about sex ALL. THE. TIME. and have my poor husband accuse me of trying to kill him.
• PTA is scary.
• Why do I feel like my kids are the only ones who cannot behave normally at times?
• I am still so up in the air about church and SICK of the guilt trip my parents put on me.  I feel like a hypocrite when I sit in that room and it's not the feeling I think I should get from going to church.
• I have too many single girl-friends and not enough single boy-friends.  SMA is NOT a person I would set anyone up with. 
• I'm hearing about too many marriages breaking up lately and it makes me sad.  Yes, I am 100% annoyed by my husband at times but sometimes I think it's easier to put up with him than to consider the alternative.  I get why many don't last. I really do!  But I also try to put myself in their situation and realize that maybe him not taking out the garbage when I ask him to or some other equally annoying thing isn't all that bad when I compare it.
• FIL's bitchy wife won't come to our house.  Yet, she still wants to take the kids.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  FG tells me we need to be the "bigger person" which is true but I just don't like the whole thing.  They took the kids to dinner last week and of course, she pulled her usual shit of telling the kids that she was going to take them somewhere that Daddy already planned to do with them while I was working.  I told FG I really think she does that stuff just to undermine us.  He said she just doesn't think and spews stuff.  I told him that if she can't "think" when she has our kids, I don't want her having our kids! 
• I need to bake but have no eggs. What a conundrum!