First off, I need to get this off my chest. FG has been in a pissy mood lately. Let me tell ya, I'm not overly excited for Father's Day because I don't feel like he's being a very good father. Awful to say about the man I had these children with but hey, it's bugging me and I needed to get it OUT.
Second, yesterday was the only day we didn't have something to do since school got out a week ago. Yay! Laundry and I decided it was a good day to let the kids just chill and for me to clean the upstairs carpets (minus their rooms because that would take a week to get through all the little precious CRAP they have in there!). Oh. My. God. I think I went up & down our stairs 100 times. I was so dead tired. All the laundry, changing the bedroom sheets AND cleaning the carpets? Am I insane?!
Here's the parenting problems.... my kids. Ha! No seriously. We (I, FG, grandparents) have to ask them about 1000 times to do something before they listen. I feel like a hard ass, mean mom because I go from asking in a normal way to bascially yelling at them to do whatever it is I asked. It's extremely frustrating. I've tried reasoning with them. I've tried talking to them and telling them that it can't be this way, they have to listen. I've tried counting things down but damn, nothing is working. I feel like I have to STAND over these kids to get them to brush thier f'ing teeth in less than 1/2 hour! (and believe me, it's not 1/2 hour of brushing, it's 27 minutes of jerking around and usually making some sort of mess and about 3 minutes total of getting the whole brushing process done). For example, this morning I made breakfast and baked some muffins. I sent them upstairs after they ate and started in on cleaning up and putting the muffins in the oven. Their instructions were to go make their beds and get dressed. It's now 11:30 and they haven't done either. I've asked, threatened, ordered.... everything short of standing there while they get thier shit DONE. It's getting old standing there and for pete's sake, they are 9 1/2 & nearly 6! I'm so tired of being ignored. I'm tired of them acting like neanderthals! Any other advice? It's going to be such a long summer and hovering over them isn't at the top of my list. Taking away privledges hasn't been real effective either.
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I can't bleieve I'm saying this because I am not a watcher of the Dr. Phil show. But the best thing I ever heard (and it was from him) was about "finding their currency."
All people, kids included, have something that they value. For kids it might be a DS or a bike or Wii, whatever. You get the picture.
You figure out what their currency is, and when you present them with a directive and they don't listen: bye bye valued personal item.
They key is to keep the item for a long enough period of time that it hurts. Of course, the backlash is that you have to deal with the behaviour surrounding the item that is now no longer in their possession, but what you are doing is dealing with the behaviour of "not listening" at its fundamental level.
It has worked like a charm for me. I also implement a little 1-2-3 countdown in there just to give them an opportunity to straighten up their act before I swipe their treasured possessions.
If there is no special item that you can take, you can also withold trips and outings that they might be looking forward to. IE; birthday parties, etc..
Again, a pain in the ass at the time of the denial but it communicates that you mean business.
Good luck.
Hugs!!! I can't offer any worthwhile advice right now. Mine are the same way. I am trying to figure it out also.
I go back and forth with the best way to approach this. There is so much competition b/t my 2 that I feel I need to get them to work as a team and be respectful of each other first and foremost.
If I figure something out I'll be sure to let you know. But know that you are not alone.
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