Summer....

This is what summer should be. WHY does it have to go so fast when I have so much to get done?! I wish I could just forget all the house stuff and obligations (believe me, I have been very lax and let a ton of things slide) and play play play.
Today is a pajama day. The kids are still in their pj's, running around playing. No tv on for either of us. Of course, I can't tear myself away from the computer. After I'm done here. I'm going to turn the damn thing off until I get through my TO DO list and turn it into a Ta Da! list. Uh oh, I hear loud thumps from a bedroom upstairs. Hmm, no screaming or crying, they must be ok ;) Anyway, I'm always proud when the tv is off. I will admit, it's a pretty darn good babysitter. When I'm pmsing and getting myself all worked into a frenzy over just wanting things settled and clean and done. That TV works like some great Baby Heroin to just keep them out of my way for awhile. Before kids, I would have thought I was a horrid mother. Only now, being "On" as Mom 24/7 and alone a lot of that time, do I realize it's just another coping method.
See I keep thinking if I could just catch up then I could relax and we could just go play. But I never do seem to catch up. Then I get things like the yard stressing me out. I LOATHE yard work. It's DH's job. But DH would rather be on the beautifully manicured golf courses than making his own look as beautiful. Fine, I don't expect that either but gosh, the weeds? And I have asked and told and gotten mad but I'm done. Because then it REALLY won't get done if I nag. But can't he be on MY schedule and just do it for me/us? Then I can stop stressing about it, stop feeling like maybe I should be the one out there battling the blasted weeds, get my own stuff done and then play! Summer! Play! That's all I want!
Thankfully I do stop and play. Thankfully I do let the kids have relaxing PJ days and they seem perfectly content. And yes, at some point I will reach my breaking point and want some peace and turn on a TV show. I'm only human. And a human who just wants to get the crumbs off the floor so I can enjoy that beauty of summer - walking barefoot.

It's just one thing and onto another

So I feel like the summer is rushing by us. I feel like we haven't had a lazy summer evening at all this summer! I miss the walks with the family around the block, the ice cream cones. I sit and think about how I never should have talked DH into getting a laptop and wireless connection in the house. He is outside but he's on his computer! Once this stupid golf tournament is over hopefully he'll have more time.
Lately it's been just moving from one thing to another and another. If I'm not getting ready for a bbq/gathering at our house, I'm wrapping a present for a birthday party or preparing to go somewhere else. I guess it's good to be social and have friends around though. I know when things DO slow down I say, "Gosh, I'm bored! I miss my friends!" but then I throw myself into something else and feel all overwhelmed again.

I can't believe it's July already and we already experienced the July 4th Holiday! We did have a great time, which was so refreshing. The boat - gotta love the boat. It's nice to relax but still being fairly new, it always comes with a little stress.

Here's a few pics of our fun day

Now my daughter is turning three. I chose to have her party this weekend regardless of the fact that her daddy is out of town and will miss it. If I waited a week, 1/2 of her little friends couldn't be there. But that leaves me to handle all of it. I had DH get the water and go buy the present - of course, I was on the phone with him while he did it, directing him to the exact spot in Toys R Us that it was located. I would have gone myself if I didn't want the kids to see it.
So I have to get everything including kids and their overnight stuff out to my parents house, get home and get ready for an event I'm attending with friends, then get up in the morning and finish getting things ready for the party, pick up the balloons and get out there at a decent time to get the place ready. It's not fair for my parents to keep my kids AND set up for the birthday party.
Then I have a day "off". I haven't taken the kids to the beach yet so I'd like to do that too. THEN it's on to the next event - a meeting at the house for DH and his buddies. I told him, because I have a reputation to live up to, that I would make some good stuff for their dinner. So it's just from one thing to another - again!

time

You know, I think there is a turning point in our lives. It can be called maturity or aging or whathaveyou but there is definitely a point where we start to look back more than we look forward. We look back at the past and enjoy fond memories and think of things we regret. We yearn for our youth in many ways. We wish we could go back and talk to our younger selves. We wish we could go back and re-live some things and change others.

I'm at that point and it's hitting me kinda hard. I'm not really "old" at all. I have a lot of life left to live. I have many many things to look forward to. But I also know that there are a few era's of my life that are over for good. Sometimes that's hard to accept. Sometimes things come up in the present that make you realize that parts of your life are done and gone and only now do you realize you should have appreciated them more in the present.

I try my hardest to use that to my advantage and appreciate the present I have now. Still, I yearn for the past. To go back and relive and change many things. I wonder how different things would have turned out if I had made the changes then that I wish I could go back and make.

Don't get me wrong. I am very happy with the life I have now. I know that things that happened then have helped create me and my current life as well. But Damn! Wouldn't it be fun to go back and be that teenager again sometimes? Well, only when it was fun. Not when life was filled with silly teenage woes and angst and issues. All part of maturing, aging or whathaveyou. All part of life.

Here's a tribute to a fun part. The part that caused me to start this looking back thing. Ahhh, young & stupid!

Ok, just gotta rant about insurance companies. They SUCK. I don't care what type of insurance it is - car, home, health whatever. They want you to pay them and then they screw you the second you actually have to call on them and USE the insurance! Ridiculous!

Feelin old, feelin boring - ugh! My mind is going worthless and I'm only 35! I need to find something to get the cobwebs out soon because what I'm doing is certainly not working. I don't even get the horrible paper so I can't keep up with current news!
Woe is me, huh?

Ahhh, I've entered the blog world!

Ohhh kayyyy, now what? Do I just ramble the way I normally do? Do I tell all my deep dark secrets right away? What the heck do I do? Hey, it was this or Myspace and Myspace seems to be getting some bad press lately. So here we are...
Can you be sick of being sick? If it's possible, I sure am! I have been not feeling well for almost three weeks. It SUCKS. I want my body and my life back! My kids aren't feeling great either. That makes for a cranky household. Wanna come over?
Speaking of household, well, I am glad the house hasn't had any showings lately because I haven't felt like keeping it perfect. (In case you didn't know, we have it listed on the terrible real estate market right now). That is bothering me too. My laziness is not normal. But the house can't sell if it doesn't show. I have such mixed feelings anyway - I want the limbo to be overwith but I am not 100% sure I even want to move! Sure there are things I love about the new house we picked out but I get so attached to things/places. I'm sure there is someone out there who can analyze that and tell me why.
Alrighty then, that's enough rambling for the day. Let's see how this silly thing looks.